Grab Your Hope and Keep Walking
Hope - a light in a dark situation.
Hope - something to hold onto in times of need.
Hope - a physical or unseen power that gets you through.
Hope – a confident expectation.
Hope - my saviour.
Hope - Jesus Christ.
He is the reason I am here today and He deserves all glory in my story. His faithfulness through even the darkest times is why I even have a story to tell. I pray this post finds you well and encourages you to just keep going – because you can do this. I believe in you.
It was in the darkest valley of my life that I learnt the importance of having hope; of having something higher than myself to hold onto. It was in my lowest moments that I sought the promises of The Lord, and it was in those times that he came through for me. He held true to His Word “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. Jesus Christ walked with me from the darkest pit and held my hand all the way to the peak of the mountain. He never once left me and He remains by my side daily. He gave me hope when I sat amongst a hopeless situation.
Sometimes when one is in the midst of a hurricane, a raging tornado or an uncontrollable storm, it is hard to look beyond and focus on the potential stillness of the sea; the possibility of the calm waves or light in the near or distant future. Sometimes when one is so overcome with pain, so flooded with tears and so haunted by voices, they find it difficult to overlook their situation and set their eyes on something else to get them through. Sometimes when one is so deep in discomfort, all they need is to see someone who once was in their situation, now living in freedom. I am here to be that person for you. I remember the first time someone questioned what my hope was in.
“I can’t do it anymore – my life is not worth living. I am not worth it. There is nothing that can keep me here, anymore – there is nothing to live for.” “What do you have hope in? What do you wake up each day KNOWING will remain the same and be your constant and strength to pull you through?”
It was at that exact moment that I realised my automatic response was Jesus. Having grown up in church my whole life, I knew the pre-set answers they were looking for; I knew the key words and scriptures to say and I knew the right moment to say it. Yet, in this moment I discovered that had my hope truly been in Him, surely I wouldn’t be feeling like this. I sat blankly. Silently. Unsure of what I hoped in. Convinced I was stuck in the midst of a hopelessness situation. The silence was disturbing – I sat across from my Christian Counsellor whilst she looked at me anxiously, waiting for a response. Then God spoke to me, “If you know there is Hope found in something- found in me, why would you continue to put yourself in a hopelessness situation?”
At that moment, I realised that hope was a choice. Just because you know there is hope, doesn’t suddenly mean it applies to you. Hope is something you have to choose to hold on to. In tough times you have to pick it. You have to cling to it. You have to fight for it. And even then, you have to keep choosing hope, and eventually it will see you through.
I remember a time I had relapsed in a self harm binge. I had gone 40 days without the addiction- my hope was in Jesus and my life was slowly getting back to what I thought was normal. When all of a sudden out of nowhere, I was experiencing strong, painful urges to fall back into my old patterns. What was once an ashamed moment had turned into a lesson learnt, yet I relapsed and gave in to the voices inside my head. It was a few hours later that I had sunk back into the disparity of hopelessness; I had, once again, taken myself back to the pit of depression. I remember screaming out to God saying “Why? I had my hope in YOU. You weren’t supposed to let me down.” I was so angry with Him. I thought because my hope was in Him, that that was it - that I was finished battling my demons. Yet in the gentlest voice I heard Him whisper, “Cahlia, I will never force myself upon you. I gave you a choice. Now, get back up, take my hand and let’s keep going.”
It was at that moment I realised this: not only was He there the whole time, but also that even though hope is a choice – you may have to choose it 500 times before you get to where you want to be. See, that day I had ignored the Hope of God. I dissed the security and safety that he so lovingly put in front of me. God wasn’t going to shove his comfort in my face, he was going to sit it there as an option and give me the choice. In those moments of pain and urges, I could have cried out to Him and held onto Jesus. I could have put on worship music and focused my eyes on Him, yet I CHOSE to put myself back in that life gripping habit. I chose to make those decisions that day. He gave me a choice and I ignored it.
Hope is a choice, and you will have to choose it again and again- but it will be worth it. So when you relapse, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and grab your hope and keep walking. When you don’t think you can do it anymore – focus your attention on your hope, it will get you through.You can choose hope today. For you, this may be found in yourself. Your family. Your friends. Your pets. Your job. Your dreams. Your school. But for me? For me, it’s my Jesus. I guarantee you that Jesus is the most rewarding thing to have hope in; he is the anchor for our soul (Hebrews 6:19) and He will never leave you nor disappoint you. He will always come through.
So whatever it may be – choose hope. Once you have it. Grab it. And hold onto it for dear life.
Because Hope is here. Hope is real. And Hope will see you through.
I believe in you. You’ve got this.
If I can do this – so can you. Use my story as hope that you too, can make it through.
All my love, Cahlia